Banana Punches and Banana Kicks

Being a Chinese educated person, I always thought I’d never regret knowing the language. Although to claim that I know the history and culture inside out would definitely be a baseless boast (I would not want that either), at least according to Jinn, Melissa and Kathryn, Fai is eligible to the title ‘lala’.

For once in my life, I actually regret understanding the Mandarin language. For all the wrong reasons, if you asked. Hint: people from Mainland China. My landlady in particular, speaks in a very fucking annoying tone, pitch and pace. Trust me, you wouldn’t wanna press the ‘talk’ button on her system. The tone is disturbing, pitch is high and the pace, Mach 100000. “Anything she says, she would sound like your house is on fire.” (Esther, 2007) Rightly put Esther. Hey Jinn, you think Roy & Mili is a nuisance? Try her. Your Roy & Mili, wet wet water only lah…

“So what does all that have to do with understanding the language?”, you may ask. If I didn’t understand Mandarin, I would only find her speeches maddening. Since I do understand what she has to say, I have to bear with the fact that she is a very stubborn and downright stupid woman. What are the bases of my accusations? Well she loves doing things the hard way when there is an easy way out. For example, she saves on all the wrong things – money for a new sponge when the old one is dying to be incinerated; and spends on all the wrong things – daughter spending/smoking like there’s no tomorrow but she says not even a word, stocks up groceries like there’s gonna be a war tomorrow (and stops me from doing it because it takes up space). If I were to list down everything, this whole blog would not be enough for me to be exhaustive.

So Jinn, the next time you find the two infuriating, try imagining that you understood every single thing they say and said. In a situation like that, sucks to be me man.

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I wouldn’t wanna be bitching discussing about tutors and lecturers on my blog like Sook Yan does but hey, just to share something interesting ok?

My ‘Commercial Banking & Finance’ tutor is out-and-out evil. Whether Kym Brown is bent in a good or bad way, is entirely up to your interpretation. When the assignment was gonna be due the next day, pretty reasonable to foresee massive absence in tutorials right? Well I was pretty much done with the assignment so I went. On the sight of the puny number of students in class, she announced that she was gonna do a short revision for the final exam in which the topics covered during the short discussion, will never be repeated on week 13. We were warned not to tell absent students that we did revision and she justified her actions by saying that this would only be fair to students who attended all the tutorials. Well I was there so I’m not complaining.

And during last week’s tutorial, she insisted that two (China) Chinese students read an article that was about one page in length. When a guy reads ’90s’ (in the context of an article about the failures of risk management systems in the past) as ’90 seconds’, throughout the paragraph, you know he has some issues with the lingua franca don’t you? The two of them were struggling with the task and she just kept quiet, occasionally correcting them when the error was too ‘enlightening’. By enlightening, I mean you’ll be dumbfounded by their ability to pronounce words in ways you can’t even imagine. Ok fine my friend and I were laughing our asses off (he’s Caucasian so he’s forgiven, makes me the hypocrite there) but I honestly think Kym should have stopped them from being the laughing stock.

Disclaimer: I’m not saying she’s a bad tutor, she has done a very good job at tutorial-ing, just a little evil at times.

F A I

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10 thoughts on “Banana Punches and Banana Kicks

  1. so wat with bitching about ur landflady?
    and related with this humiliating of tutor in skool? ?
    u lala means wat? tak faham cakap cina atau sik mauk cakap cina pasal jaga muka?
    biasanya kau tok cakap basa cina atau manglish?

  2. You know Stanley, I was thinking whether to approve your comment or not because I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about man. Nobody does. You sure you’re tuned-in to the same frequency?

  3. hhahah..
    fai, i like ur comment.. hahah ..got me laughing and thinking of the same thing too.. haha. not that i know that guy though. lol

    anyway, fai, ure damn evil! laughing at ppl! haha

  4. mil:
    Haha… Well I’m sorry if I appeared evil there but I was staring at my screen for like, 10 minutes, trying to figure out what he was trying to put across. And by the way, I don’t know sirsc either. He just barged into my blog and started commenting. I saw that his comments were pretty much friendly that’s why I approved them. I don’t, in any way, know sirsc.

  5. mmm, ya you dont know sirsc nor stanley:)
    i dont quite get your lala term > if you are saying u dont understand chinese or dont speak chinese …it is banana..
    if you said u r lala > i wonder issit ahbeng`s related or?
    summore, the humiliating done by your tutor was actually helping this chinese people, humiliate once will improve them later IMO …
    summore, im not a barger or bugger 😀

  6. Sirsc:
    Whatever you say Mr. not-so-elusive-sirsc. =)
    ‘Being a Chinese educated person,’. This statement should tell you how much I know about the Chinese culture. If that failed to tip you, the 3 biggest words on this blog should at least hint to you that I’m not a banana. I’ve been speaking and writing Chinese for a full 17 years before entering college/uni where my preferred language shifted over to English.
    I appreciate you telling me the criteria to be fulfilled before qualifying as a banana but I assure you, I know more about bananas than the typical Chinese ed.
    And to clarify your doubts, yes I noticed some people don’t know what a lala is, lalaboy/lalagirl = ahbeng/ahlian. We don’t speak Hokkien in Ipoh that’s why we’re more…affectionate with the term lala than ahbeng.

    Well I think that the humiliation can only generate results if Kym actually corrected most, if not all of their mistakes. That’s how they could have learned… but she didn’t.

    Lastly, not calling you a bugger lah. I call my close friends buggers so if I call you a bugger, it’s actually a good thing.

  7. Eh! Suddenly talk about me bitching/discussing bout my lecturers like its such a bad thing. Just that it DID give me abit of a shock when a lect teaching that subject actually commented on my blog. Freaky sial… @____@ but aiyor nothing wrong with talking about lecturers what =P

  8. no ah. nothing wrong ah… just saying that you do it oni mah.. but true la, it’d really freak me out if kym commented on this post lo.

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