I Can Has Fail Trip

The class took a journalistic trip to a small town called Zhangbei in neighbouring province Hebei to see these.

To cut the crap and tell the gist, the trip was a total failure but before I go to that, I would like to share some of the not-too-shabby pictures I took during the trip.

Left campus at 7 a.m.

Lina in the middle of the wind farm.

Steve & Stacie (his camera).

Calvin & Steve. Calvin said he’s quiting smoking… since I first met him last September.

Kristina & Wendy. Who had to pee.

Kristina: “It’s times like these when I wish I had a penis.”

I took the last two pictures with my Olympus digi-cam and hence, must be said are really quite shabby.

However, they are to show you how bad a traffic jam we were stuck in. Calvin had time to get down the bus to smoke. Probably about 25-30 of us all had the time to get off, find cover (a process unnecessary for the guys), and pee. It was snail inching traffic for the majority of the 250km journey back to Beijing.

We left Zhangbei at about 4 p.m.

We were making dinner plans and mahjong session afterwards.

We were told it was gonna take about 3-4 hours.

We were fooled.

We eventually got back at about 5.30 a.m. A.M. A.M. A.M.!!!!

There were some pretty intense drama and a tad bit of panicking as we ran out of water and food at about 12 a.m. Somebody even called their embassy for help (to which they said “nobody is in serious distress so no, we can’t help you…yet”) but more on that some other time.

To complete the transformation from “the longest day of my life” to “a complete failure of a trip”, the interviews were all in Chinese and most international students (probably about 70% of us) got not one bit of useful information.

Well done professors.

Here’s your story: KISS MY MALAYSIAN ASS.

Fai

Beijing, China.

10.43 p.m.

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Chinese Commentators

I was looking for a picture that says ‘chinese commentators’ but instead I came across this guy’s story.

During the Italy v Australia match last World Cup where Italy won 1-0 through a last minute, wrongfully given penalty (I’m sure we all remember that match), this Chinese commentator, apparently one of the best in China, went completely out of control.

When Grosso fell over and the referee awarded Italy a (very wrongful) penalty, he said:

“Penalty! Penalty! Penalty! Grosso’s done it, Grosso’s done it! The great Italian left back! He succeeded in the glorious traditions of Italy! Facchetti, Cabrini and Maldini, their souls are infused in him at this moment! Grosso represents the long history and traditions of Italian soccer, he’s not fighting alone at this moment! He’s not alone!”

And when Totti scored the resulting penalty, he said:

“Goooooal! Game over! Italy win! Beat the Australians! They do not fall in front of Hiddink again! Italy the great! Left back the great! Happy birthday to Maldini! Forza Italia! The victory belongs to Italy, to Grosso, to Cannavaro, to Zambrotta, to Buffon, to Maldini, to everyone who loves Italian soccer!”

Point number one: GROSSO DIVED.

Point number two: Grosso’s not all that great. He’s just average.

Point number three: If you’re not Italian and you say “Forza Italia”, I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to call you a FUCKING LOSER.

Anyway that guy resigned or got fired or whatever, I don’t care so to go back to my original point, Chinese commentators are shit.

Yesterday night I was watching the Barcelona v Bilbao match and the commentators did everything the typical Chinese commentator would do.

They say the most obvious things. The one thing that I simply cannot stand a football commentator doing is stating the obvious. “Oh he shouldn’t have stopped the ball”, “oh he should’ve kicked it slightly to the left”, “oh if the keeper saved that then they wouldn’t be 2 goals down”, OH IF I HAD A GUN I WOULD’VE SHOT YOU IN THE FACE!

They were obviously biased towards Barcelona. Every pass was a good pass, every shot was a good shot and every tackle was a good tackle. If Bilbao players went down then they’re either pussies or they dived.

They always get the players’ names wrong. I was lying on my bed, far away from the TV and even I knew that Messi passed the ball and Bojan scored it but nooooo they were so determined that someone else passed it and Messi scored it. They couldn’t say who passed it. But they were sure that Messi scored it. Then the scoreboard comes out and says “Bojan 59′ ” and they were still saying: “Messi scores a great goal blablabla…”

And the worst thing is, they don’t follow the action and build you up for a climax. There’s no build up. Maxwell will run down the left flank, go past 2 players, steady himself to cross while Messi and co waits in and outside the box, and those clueless bastards were still talking about how old Guardiola looks now and he goes through alot of stress etc. etc. Then Xavi receives the cross and shoots, they’ll snap out of their conversation and shout GOOD SHOT!!

Oh, so you were watching the match? Pfft…

Fai

Beijing, China.

12:47 a.m.

The Free Tripod

…that comes along with your digital camera is not useless.

In fact it’s coming along pretty dandy.

Oh and so I tried reading China Daily to improve my Chinese.

Does not work that way.

Stupid fuck.

Fai

Beijing, China.

6:26 p.m.